Actions Matter!

By Samantha Nelson

Time and time again, it happens all over the world, in every faith community, in every denomination, in every church, synagogue, temple, mosque, parochial school, and counseling office. Whether by members of the clergy, faith-based educators and counselors, youth leaders, evangelists or local congregation lay leaders, clergy sexual abuse has a devastating impact on the victim, as well as the congregation as a whole. And, yes, before you ask, this does happen in your denomination and mine.

The sad reality is that clergy sexual abuse and misconduct is often wrongly labeled as “an affair” by media, church leaders and others. This incorrect terminology minimizes the accountability of the spiritual leader and attempts to place equal responsibility and blame on both parties, when the responsibility rests squarely upon the spiritual leader to maintain healthy, safe and appropriate boundaries at all times. The fact is clergy sexual abuse is a prevalent scourge among all faith communities. How can this be? Who is responsible? What makes some people more vulnerable than others? Let’s explore those answers now.

First of all, clergy sexual abuse can be defined as the abuse of a vulnerable individual who is in the care of a spiritual leader. That spiritual leader may be a paid employee (such as a rabbi, pastor, teacher or counselor) or a volunteer leader in the local congregation (such as a Bible teacher, elder, deacon, youth worker, etc.). It is referred to as abuse because of the power imbalance that exists between a pastor/congregant, teacher/student, counselor/counselee, etc. Spiritual leaders have a sacred fiduciary trust to never betray those who are under their care and leadership. (See http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.org/services/4-major-imbalances/)

Victims are often vulnerable and seeking help or a deeper relationship with God when they are abused. Most commonly, these individuals were abused in their past and that is one reason they are more trusting and more vulnerable to the predator spiritual leader. Victims of childhood abuse or domestic violence are easy prey for the predator pastor. They are used to doing what they’re told, keeping secrets that could cause harm to the person they hold in high esteem, attempting to avoid any angry confrontations or threats—such as what typically occurs when a victim tries to assert themselves and get out of an abusive scenario.

Other avenues of vulnerability include past or current sexual, physical, verbal or emotional abuse; low self-esteem (failure to see yourself as valuable in the Lord’s sight); marital problems; trauma, sickness or death in the family; personal health problems; depression; financial problems; excessive stress; attending church alone; cultural diversity; and even age difference (oftentimes, the abuser may be many years older than the victims).
So how does this happen, you ask? Well, it can happen in a number of ways, however, one of the most common scenarios is that a church member who is vulnerable in some way seeks counseling or advice from the pastor or spiritual leader. This could take the form of a counseling meeting or it could take place during a Bible study, a church activity or event. The victim, not knowing she is the fly venturing upon the spider’s web, trusts her spiritual leader and believes he would do no harm—for it is his sacred fiduciary trust to do no harm. As she shares her pain and her past, the abuser begins to create a dependence upon him. Soon he may become the most important person in her life because she is now dependent upon him to help her. She doesn’t realize that he is only setting her up to abuse her. Due to the often masterful manipulation, the victim may even come to believe it is somehow her fault or that she is “in love” with her abuser. Often, the abuser begins to share secrets about his own marriage (whether true or not) in order to lead the victim to sympathize with him and want to help him, rather than recognizing that this man can in no way help her if his own life is not right with God and his spouse.

Ultimately, that initial lingering handshake, or the friendly or comforting hug, leads to more and more physical touch and then to sexual intercourse, sometimes in the form of physically forcible rape while the victim is saying “no,” and other times by emotional force due to the inability of the victim to say anything because her mental and spiritual health has been compromised by the abuser during the grooming process. This is the most common scenario in clergy sexual abuse, but there are others, such as the youth leader who molests the young boys or girls at camp; or the traveling evangelist who takes advantage of the opportunity of always being on the move to abuse someone with whom he comes in contact at one of his events. This is a most dangerous abuser because he may commit crimes of rape, abuse, etc., and then leave the country with no way for the victim—if she’s even in a strong enough mindset to do so—to seek legal recourse or press criminal charges.

Unfortunately, most congregations are not prepared to properly address clergy sexual abuse when it comes to their attention. It is often covered up and kept quiet; the victim asked to leave; and the abuser kept in place or promptly moved to a new location. Congregations have typically been groomed, as well as the victim. Congregations see their spiritual leader as wise, close to God, caring, compassionate, always willing to help and so on. They never see that he (or she, as abusers and victims can be male or female) has been manipulating them into supporting him and trusting him and, thereby, siding with him if he is ever exposed. The fact that congregations often protect their abuser and shun the victim is one major reason why clergy sexual abuse continues to happen and why one predator spiritual leader can continue in some form of ministry for decades without any lasting repercussions. Even if the local church leadership does confront the abuser, he often feigns repentance to get back into his position and everyone’s good graces. Congregations often automatically extend trust to spiritual leaders and an abuser can easily manipulate this trust. Meanwhile, the victim is left alone to deal with the shame heaped upon her and feeling like an outcast and unloved by God. It is for this reason that The Hope of Survivors (www.thehopeofsurvivors.org) was founded in 2002 and has been able to assist thousands of victims around the world in their spiritual and emotional healing.

Abusers, especially predatory abusers who have multiple victims, most often never stop abusing. They may be forced into a position where they may lack the opportunity for a time but, given the right scenario and opportunity, they would abuse again. Abusers tend to be very narcissistic, although they may pretend to be compassionate and interested in the well being of the one they are abusing.

In order to prevent and stop abusers in the church, the members of the congregation must first be willing to take a firm biblical stand against abuse and hold the abuser accountable. This may include notifying law enforcement immediately—yes, even before contacting someone in the church hierarchy—if the victim is a minor. This is difficult for many because they love their pastor. They trust him. They see him as a godly man who preaches and teaches the Word of God each week. Perhaps they are enthralled with his books or other writings. They may even become like groupies following a band—they tend to follow this spiritual leader and all he does and never actually ponder what the truth may be because it would shatter the image of the idol they have created of the spiritual leader. Like those who continue to support Ravi Zacharias and his writings—even though he is a proven predator and his ministry has finally admitted how wrong they were to not take his victims seriously and do something to help them and stop the abuse—followers of a beloved spiritual leader will often come to his defense and be willingly deceived by his lies and manipulation. (https://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2021/february/ravi-zacharias-rzim-investigation-sexual-abuse-sexting-rape.html)

What harm can come from reading, selling or promoting the writings of an abuser? Well, let me ask you, “Would you drink something that only contained a tiny bit of poison?” No, of course not! You know it would still be harmful, if not fatal, to do so. Then why would you choose to continue to read books and articles or watch sermons and seminars by someone who was not walking with God? Someone who clearly was not practicing what he was preaching? Why? Has this person become an idol to you because you share the same religious or lifestyle ideologies and convictions? Have you willingly set aside biblical morality and truth to support your idol? Or, have you been deceived and now you are beginning to see the manipulation and lies?

Whenever I have been in a bookstore and noticed books written by abusive spiritual leaders, I always tell the store manager. Most of the time, they remove the books from the shelves. They had not known the truth until it was shared with them and they chose to take proper action. It is never wise to promote or support someone who is walking contrary to God. And, friends, a minister who betrays his sacred trust to engage in abusive sexual relations is definitely not walking with God. No matter what is written in the books about lifestyle, dietary habits, forgiveness, sin, or escaping to God in the wilderness, if the author himself were not practicing what he was preaching, if he was not purified and cleansed by the blood of Jesus, why would you want to read his books? You’re partaking of poison and it may cost you eternity. Revelation 22:14 (KJV) says, “For without [speaking of the heavenly city] are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolators, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.” Did you catch that? Those who lie and those who love or partake of the lie are outside of the City of God.

Supporting a known sexual predator in the church is supporting a liar, an adulterer, and you are partaking of his sin. Your eternity is hanging in the balance as you do so. Ask yourself, “Is it worth losing eternity to remain supportive of someone who has committed such heinous sins against God and His children?” God takes abuse very seriously! This is Jesus speaking in Matthew 18:6 (KJV), “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” I’d say that taking sexual advantage of a vulnerable child, youth or even adult falls under the category of “offending one of these little ones.”

The Bible admonishes against clergy sexual abuse and portrays the dire consequences that come to those spiritual leaders who commit this sin and those who fail to do anything to stop them. The example of Eli and his sons Hophni and Phinehas in 1 Samuel 2:22-4:18 is a very sobering lesson in condoning sin by virtue of doing nothing to stop it and failing to hold abusers accountable. Many incorrectly use King David as an example of God’s love and forgiveness when He called David “a man after mine own heart.” Acts 13:22 (KJV) Yet, if you pay close attention to the story of King David and Bathsheba, you will notice that when God sends Nathan the prophet to confront David, he says the traveler, “took the poor man’s lamb.” 2 Samuel 12:4 (KJV) The word “took” does not imply consent. Also, David was the only one admonished, not Bathsheba. Clearly, David is not a man after God’s own heart at this time.

In the book, The Adventist Home, page 330, paragraph 1, the author writes (about abusive spiritual leaders), “When Satan’s bewitching power controls a person, God is forgotten, and man who is filled with corrupt purposes is extolled. Secret licentiousness is practiced by these deceived souls as a virtue. This is a species of witchcraft. . . . There is always a bewitching power in heresies and in licentiousness. The mind is so deluded that it cannot reason intelligently, and an illusion is continually leading it from purity. The spiritual eyesight becomes blurred, and persons of hitherto untainted morals become confused under the delusive sophistry of those agents of Satan who profess to be messengers of light. It is this delusion which gives these agents power. Should they come out boldly and make their advances openly, they would be repulsed without a moment’s hesitation; but they work first to gain sympathy and secure confidence in themselves as holy, self-sacrificing men of God. As his special messengers they then begin their artful work of drawing away souls from the path of rectitude by attempting to make void the law of God.” That is serious and it requires prompt and serious action on our parts when we come to a knowledge of abuse by someone in the role of spiritual leadership. If you’ve read this article, then you now know what you should do. What will you choose to do? As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!